All Of the At-Home Advice I Have To Give

Again, I will for-go the disclaimer about me not having a lot of advice to give...Because again, I'm sure you read it in the first part, since this is the third and final of a three part blog of all of the advice I have to give (as of now).  Pre-Baby, At-Hospital and At-Home (Post-Having-Baby).  

Here is all of the At-Home Advice I Have to Give

 

EVERYONE and their dog will tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps and I'm here to tell you it's not that easy. Especially if you're not much of a napper.  Just plan to be super sleep deprived for a couple of weeks to a month. It WILL get better. And it IS TOTALLY worth it.  I will say to make sure you do that at night though. If you can go to bed when he/she does, try that.  For me, it just wasn't that easy to do for naps during the day. It is also ok to take shifts and not sleep with your spouse.  Let the judgers judge away! It is also ok to not sleep with your baby IN YOUR ROOM. He/she will be fine in his/her room (of course just follow the AAP Guidelines for SIDS prevention).

Bath time WILL get better and actually fun for all.  It really does suck right away because they really hate it (well, most do anyway), but eventually it becomes fun and they look forward to hearing the words "Wanna go take a bath?"  And they get super excited about it. So, right away, just get the baby clean and lotioned up as quickly as possible.  There's plenty of time for fun in the bath a few months down the road.

See? Cute.  Just got his 1st
ATV this Christmas. We had to help
him try it out...didn't like the sound.
You can see my husband laughing.
We just think it's cute. We can't help it.

Make sure you laugh when the baby cries. Not easy to do when they are super little...especially with the first baby, right away. But I'm just saying find a way to enjoy that sound too, rather than it have you in tears also.  Chandler and I finally found a way to laugh at Gabriel when he cried. We just thought it was super funny and cute. I know, we are mean!  He's 1 year old now and we STILL think it's cute when he cries.  Especially when now that we sometimes get the I'm-sort-of-crying-but-really-faking-cry. 

Soak up all those tiny baby cuddles.  Once they are on the move, they don't want to sit still long enough to cuddle for long.

Take LOTS of pictures. It's ok, and a great idea to take lost of pictures.  They change so much when they are so little.  Here's the thing though:  You don't have to post ALL OF THEM ON FACEBOOK!  Just some to keep everyone updated.  If you're posting 5-10 per day, that is WAY TOO MANY.

Let the baby wear PJs.  If you're not going anywhere for the day, let him/her just be comfy and not have to go through changing into clothes and then back into PJs at bedtime.  There is no written rule that says you have to dress your baby in clothes every single day.  Naps will go better in comfy PJs, and he/she will still look adorable in those cute little footie PJs.  Besides, don't YOU still love a good all day PJ day?  (be honest.) I had tons of PJ days on maternity leave.

Let everyone do everything for you that they offer.  Especially right away.  Any help is so nice.  Even if it's just someone running an errand for you so you don't have to get a) diaper bag ready b) baby dressed c) yourself ready and dressed d) baby in carseat etc. to go do it yourself.

Start a bedtime routine ASAP.  I'm not kidding that I started one at 6 weeks old with our little guy. Maybe a bit early, but there is no denying that it paid off and he knew exactly when bedtime was after less than a week.  Ours just happened to be swaddling, then rocking him to his little music thing, laying him down (still awake) and then he'd usually fall asleep on his own (the music auto-shuts off).  Of course that routine has changed over time with him, but the music penguin has actually stayed part of it!

Download the BabyCenter app on your phone.  I relied on their pregnancy app when I was preggo to update me on the baby's progress while in my belly.  And much other info on what to expect.  The baby app was also a great tool to have after baby was born for all of those questions I thought of during middle-of-the-night feedings.  If you sign up, they will also email you helpful info every week specific to the age of your little one!

All of the At-Hospital Advice I Have To Give

I will for-go the disclaimer about me not having a lot of advice to give...yadda, yadda, yadda.  I'm sure you read it in the first part, since this is the second of a three part blog of all of the advice I have to give (as of now).  Pre-Baby, At-Hospital and At-Home (Post-Having-Baby).  

Here is all of the At-Hospital Advice I Have to Give

What to bring to the hospital to have a baby? I read several articles on this matter while pregnant.  Of course this isn't EVERYTHING I needed, but in the end here is what I REALLY needed:

1. Bring a tablet or device on which to watch Netflix.  Preferably something with a stand that

   

   Laughing at Parks and Recreation on Netflix was a great distraction.

   neither of you have to hold but that you both can watch.  Helps focus your mind on something else and then you don't have to rely on the hospital's crappy cable to have something on that you like...especially if it's in the middle of the night! (don't forget the charger!)
2. Bring a body pillow or other pillow that is comfy.  I am sooo glad I had my body pillow there.  The bed was insanely uncomfortable (referred to in my very first blog as probably worse than a prison bed) and it was nice to have something comfy to rest on. 
3. Comfy, large, PJ's that are also sort of cute.  You're not going to want to be in that hospital gown after that baby is born (some women don't even want to give birth in it).  Personally, I didn't want MY stuff getting all gross, so I wore theirs until after baby was born.  Then you're in something presentable, comfy and not horrible for photos later that day/night when family and friends visit. 
4. Toiletries, blow-dryer and makeup basics - No matter what anyone says, you will want to feel like a human again.  And yes, life has just changed and is now all about that beautiful baby you just gave birth to, but take 20 minutes and beautify at some point. Not right away, but at some point.  You'll feel soooo much better...and HUMAN AGAIN.  At least for five minutes anyway, you won't feel like a zombie, alien, freak, clown, monster, weirdo, mutant-oddity, beast (not in a good way), uneven-skin-toned-whale or a ridiculous monstrosity.  For me, that means showering, doing my face cleansing routine, blow-drying my hair and yes, putting a little makeup on.  Just took 20-30 minutes while baby was sleeping. But again, then you feel a little nicer for any photos you happen to pop up in.  Don't worry though, people are more interested photos of the baby anyway.
5. Phone chargers!  You'll both use the battery in your phone texting, Facebooking, Tweeting, Instagraming, and whatever the kids are doing to photos these days, of your new bambino and you don't want to run out of battery life.
6. A nurse thank you gift.  If you are one of those people who likes to give something nice to
   
   those who are nice and helpful to you, plan ahead here and pack a gift for your nurses.  If your nurses suck, you can always not give it to them.  I had my baby at Sanford Health in Bismarck and my nurses, aids, CNA's, surgical tech's, and all I'm forgetting to mention were AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING!  Everyone was so helpful, thoughtful (and did I mention AMAZING?) to this first time mom that I felt compelled to do something.  I didn't pack anything for them and ended up sending a giant meat and cheese tray over for them a couple of days after going home.  Would have been nice to have something along to leave with a note.  Also it would be something crossed off your to-do list before you're even home! Again, only if you're one of "those" people :)

Embrace the visitors. And their advice.  Honestly.  I'm sure you're expecting a sarcastic comment here, but there actually isn't one. I found it hard to sleep in the hospital ESPECIALLY during the day anyway, so may as well have people come welcome your little one into the world right there where it happened!  And for those who offer their advice...unless it's the "put an ounce of brandy in their milk before bed" kind of advice, take it all in.  You never know what you'll end up using :)

Order every meal, even if you're not feeling up to eating it.  Stock pile all the stuff you can take home. Anything prepackaged, even juices and stuff. It is so nice to have any little extra food to eat around the house when you get home with that new baby! Plus, THIS IS THE LAST TIME SOMEONE ELSE WILL WAIT ON YOU UNTIL THE END OF TIME...

Eat the crap out of those ice pellets.  Ice pellets are the most amazing form of ice you'll ever encounter.  OK, this is weird personal preference thing, but they really are amazing.  I actually have conversations about how amazing ice pellets are...if you've had one with me, you know who you are and how awesome I think they are.

Don't feel bad if you want to send your baby away for a while or *gasp* even the whole night (except, of course, for feedings).   Just make sure you memorize his/her face so that it's not one of those switched at birth scenarios. Ha! Just kidding - sort of :)  Anyway, having a bit of time to get some actual sleep without hearing every little breath or movement the baby makes may be much needed. When those babies are first born it is hard not to listen for EVERYTHING.  So don't let anyone convince you that you're being bad parents by sending baby into the very capable hands of the nurses for a while.

Clean out the hospital room.  Clean it OUT, not UP.  And don't feel bad about it.  You or your insurance is paying for everything anyway so take everything you can (even from the bassinet)...diapers, baby lotion, gauze, weird disposable underwear, pads, etc.  I actually asked one of the nurses what all I'd be charged for either way to be sure I didn't swipe something that I wouldn't have been. 

Again, please feel free to comment with any at-hospital advice that you have and I'll add it to the post!

All the Pre-Baby Advice I Have to Give

I'm going to be honest here:  I don't have a lot of advice to give.  I mean, who am I to give anyone advice?  Ok, having thrown that disclaimer out there, I'm going to give some anyway. This is the first of a three part blog of all of the advice I have to give (as of now).  Pre-Baby, At-Hospital and At-Home (Post-Having-Baby).  

Here is all of the Pre-Baby Advice I Have to Give 

Of course there are many, MANY items that you will need in order to get your house and life ready for baby.  But, when asked, this is what I share with people because some are the not-so-obvious ones.  Make sure you register for and/or buy the following:
(don't worry, this whole thing isn't just about what to get. Keep reading below too.)

1. You are gonna want a Diaper Genie and refills. Make sure you register for that. So awesome and convenient to not take diapers out to the garbage constantly. You have no clue that there are poopie diapers in the room with you.  There are other brands out there too, but we love our Diaper Genie!
2. If you are thinking you will breastfeed and pump at all, a bottle warmer is a lifesaver (you can't
   
   nuke breast milk and warming on stove, under warm faucet water or nuking water and then placing in that water to warm takes forever). I started pumping right away to build up a stash for after I went back to work. Then I pretty much exclusively went to just pumping and bottle feeding a week or two before I went back to get baby used to it. The bottle warmer we got was around $35 from Target and worth every penny. Four minutes to warm a five ounce bottle that's been in the fridge - heck ya!
3. Hard to know in advance what your baby will like, but Gabriel liked to be swaddled for his first three months. Reminds them of being in the womb and keeps them from constantly waking themselves up with their crazy-hands. Register for or splurge on SwaddleMe blankets (or some other brand that makes a blanket specifically for this purpose) if you think you'll try swaddling him/her. And take the time to read the instructions and/or watch a YouTube video on how to use beforehand. Better to have these and not use than to get home from hospital and struggle with blankets that aren't the right size, etc.  
4. Another if you're going to breastfeed one: bring a nursing bra (a size bigger than you are when preggo) to the hospital. I didn't do that and had my mom running all over town for me twice. I went up a size when preggo then another size when my milk came in after he was born. You may remember the Machine Gun Jubblies blog from December.  Anyway, wait until closer to the end of your pregnancy, THEN go shopping for one and buy a cup size bigger.  Now deflated and then some, but that's a story another blog...
   
5. "The Happiest Baby on the Block" video helped us out. A friend of mine told me about it so I ordered it on Amazon.com. They also offer the version that you can just watch online. There are some great baby soothing techniques that really do work. Not every time, but often! So passing on some good advice I got with this one...
6. A baby food maker.  I know what you're thinking because I had the same thought: I have no desire to make my own baby food. Hello? There's a company called Gerber for that.  I did not register for one, but did receive one as a gift.  I looked the baby food maker (we'll call it a BFM

   

   Jen & Sara with Cook-off trophy.

   for short) right square in the eye and was like "Ya, right!" Then I started thinking I got it as a gift, may as well try once and see. What the heck...WAY EASY!  I use Ziploc Zip'n Steam bags to cook everything so it goes quick.  Baby is now 10 months old and still using the BFM.  Actually on my 2nd BFM because I burned the motor out in the first making "Jen's Homemade Guac Sauce" for a Country Cook-off cooking competition. Totally worth it by the way, because we WON!
   

Plan to take as much maternity leave as possible. Don't base it on how much leave you have built up either.  Screw that. You can always build more up. Take leave without pay even, for a long as you can afford.  Same for you husbands.  If you dads can take 2 or 3 or 4 weeks even.  You should.  Neither of you will regret it.  It is that first bonding time that is so precious.  And you'll never get that time back.  Once it's gone, it's gone.  Plus it is actually law that you can take 12 week under the Family and Medical Leave Act for the birth (or adoption) of a child if your company employes more than 50 people and you've been there for at least 12 months...not that they have to pay you for it. Of course, that would depend on your company's leave policy.  At least plan to take a bunch of maternity leave and you can always go back "early."  Yes, I realize that not all jobs are accommodating and have ways of making your return miserable.  Which I'm guessing is why I have been reading recently that Americans have been taking less and less maternity leave...that is a shame.

DO NOT purposely leave any projects for while you're on maternity leave.  Get EVERYTHING you can think of done BEFORE baby comes.  You will not have time on maternity leave to get projects done nor will you want to.  Use that maternity leave to enjoy your time with baby, not to worry about what needs to get done. You will have enough to get done around the house while being sleep deprived while trying to get cuddle time in while constantly feeding him/her while trying to feed yourself while trying to get a shower in while doing lots of baby laundry while trying to run to Target for another fitted sheet for the crib while trying to get a nap while trying to remember your name while sneaking in more cuddle time while while while while while. 

Make a few healthy meals in your last month of pregnancy and stash them in the freezer. Then you can just pop them in the oven quick-like. I wish I had done this. Luckily we have awesome parents on both sides who brought us meals so we had good eats for a while. But I also wish I had made some myself and had a stash for even longer.  It is nice not to have to worry about feeding yourself when you are a first time parent and worrying about every little thing with your new baby (see last item with the "while while while").

It's OK to not LOVE being pregnant.  It sucks.  There is so much crap going on with your body when you are producing and supporting another life.  Quite honestly, I had a pretty good pregnancy and still didn't like it (can you tell, I'm trying really hard to be nice here about this?).  There are some people who do actually love it and that's great.  But if you aren't one of them, it's OK.  You're going to love your baby and that's all that matters! 

Addition:  Eat lots of sweets and candy when you're pregnant and you're baby will be the sweetest! Ok, I made this one up, but I swear it's true. I ate tons of candy and sweets when pregnant. I LOVE sweets to begin with and this was just amplified when I was pregnant.  And I have the sweetest baby boy in the whole wide world.  Proof, right there!

PLEASE comment here or on Facebook if you have some good Pre-Baby advice to share for current or future preggos and I'll update the blog with a reader addition section!!! 
 

Single Parenthood Is NOT Easy Cheese

All I can say is KUDOS to all you single ladies...wait, I MEANT single PARENTS out there.  Beyonce doesn't have a single parent song that I am aware of, so this will have to do. Enjoy this Beyonce tuneage as you read on:



I have had the pleasure of being a single working mother this past week and let me tell you...NOT EASY.  It wasn't so bad when the hubby was gone when I was on maternity leave and The Babriel was only two months old.  But coming off of the busy two weeks we just had, and working full time while running the house, trying to keep it somewhat clean and taking care of a nine month old is not Easy Cheese.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I love Easy Cheese...don't even need a cracker.  Just saying.  That's how we'd all like life to be, right? - Easy Cheese.

Anywho, I started the week out with a work conference. Luckily mine was in town.  Was an excellent one too.  But that also meant no personal lunches to get any errands run.  And Chandler being gone also meant no participation in any of the extra-curricular activities the conference had planned.  And I'm big on those because it's a good time to network with colleagues from other agencies.  I was happy for Chandler that he got to go to this class, but also not so happy because I knew what that meant for me. Selfish? Yes. Care I? No.

And how about any just me time?  Doesn't exist for a single parent apparently.  How do they have any?

Here we are enjoying some play time :)

We'd get home for the evening and eat and then have play time (which don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE) until baby bedtime.   Then I immediately run downstairs to workout.  Sorry Charlie, but although that is in fact keeping ME in shape, I don't really consider it ME TIME.  Then when that's done, it is right on to packing up the mess we made that evening while playing, eating, etc., doing laundry, taking garbage out, etc.  By that time I need a shower and sleep. Then wake up get both of us ready and head to Grandma Daycare and work.

I did also love the mommy/son bonding time we got, but this past week has me thinking about the three month Warrant Officer Advanced Course (WOAC) that Chandler will be off attending in 2014.  He sure has missed "his little man" this past week. And if you didn't get the gist of what I'm saying here: We missed him too and being a single parent is hard...soooo not looking forward to that for THREE MONTHS.  Heck, it was tough making sure I text him pictures regularly, found time to Skype or even just call.

Again, kudos to those of you who have done this all on your own for your child's (or children's) whole life and to those military folk who have done it for a whole deployment.  Being from ND, I also think of those who are oil families and have a spouse who travels away for days, or even weeks, on end to work on the "oil country" side of the state. It is not Easy Cheese. ESPECIALLY if you don't have family around to help you.  Not sure what I would do without the help of my parents.  Thanks mom & dad :) I really couldn't do it without you guys!!!

Clothes in the closet? Close enough. Just close the door.

Ccccccccccraaaaaaap!  That doesn't fit him either.  After having held the pants up to his legs, figuring they MIGHT, MAYBE, COULD fit.  Then wrastlin' the baby long enough to get them on, only to realize - they don't.  Screw it...close enough!

Wow, does this baby grow out of clothes quickly!  His closet is like a constant rotating dessert case in a diner.  (Mmmm...dessert. I digress.)  As soon as I put something in, I have to take something out.

There have been a few occasions in his short 8.5 month life that I've already had to put him in pants that aren't quite his size. So, before he even has a say, he's gotten to be the super cool kid wearing flood pants that are clearly WAY too short. 

Back to the rotating closet.  I simply can't keep up with the closet OR the dresser.  How DO you do it?!  Both constantly have stuff in them that I'm dodging because I know it doesn't fit. Then when Chandler goes to dress him, he has no clue what is in there that fits Gabriel NOW.

Oh, and there's also the piles.  There is a twin bed in Gabriel's room.  I do try to keep his room pretty clean and packed up, BUT that bed basically has

1. a constant pile of clothes that he's already outgrown and I haven't had the chance to pack away yet and 
2. a constant pile of clothes that he'll fit into soon that I haven't had the chance to hang/fold (partly due to the fact that there is no room because of all of the stuff in the closet/drawers that doesn't fit him anymore...it's a vicious cycle, really). 

It is tough to get this done since you can't do it after he goes to bed or during a nap.  I need a magic baby clothes fairy...who also washes the clothes, mows the lawn, cooks dinner, cleans toilets and workouts for me.  Do they sell those on Amazon?

Until they do, I will just close the closet door and ignore.

 

The Invisible Teething Ninja

Wow, those poor, poor, pitiful, aching babies' teeth. And what's more, those poor, poor, pitiful babies' PARENTS!  Teething sucks.

And I really feel like we've had it pretty easy with our little guy.  A little irritability and a serious runny nose.  But that little irritability is no doubt caused by tooth pain.  Tooth pain, that I'm guessing feels a little like a Kick in the Teeth by the Invisible Teething Ninja -see pic below- to our little guys/gals (and yes, I did a 5 minute Photoshop job to one of The Babriel's pics just for this blog...because I'm awesome like that):

And that runny nose lasted for about 2-3 weeks before the bottom 2 front teeth even dared to show their little white-capped faces.  Luckily they both popped at the same time.

We then went through the 2-3 weeks of runny nose and a bit of irritability AGAIN, but still no top teeth.  Extra stubborn I guess.

I keep reminding my little guy that "his mommy must love him very much because I wouldn't suck the snot out of just anybody!"  Plus, umm...GROSS.  Boy, does he hate that snot sucker-thing.  I'm sure that's the technical term for it.  But when they are too little for you to instruct them to blow their nose, you have to do SOMETHING to clear their little nasal passageway so they can breathe.  Poor little fella. So between the snot sucking and singing, I MUST love this babes like crazy.  I don't sing for just anybody either.  Usually just in the car because it's pretty bad.  OK, REALLY bad.  But for some reason it soothes him at night before the Tylenol kicks in if he's hurting.  Must be the Def Leppard tunes :)

I feel for the babies (and parents) who deal with even worse teething issues. I've also read that some babies actually have very little symptoms and barely notice it.  Whatever.

Poop by any other name would still smell as crappy.

True dat: this post is on poop, poopie, poo, poo-poo, do-do, crap, blast, sh@#, deuce, dump, feces, good ol' number 2, dookie, cow pie, stool?  Ok, we don't call it stool in our house.  Although my mom was calling it his BM's for a while.  Chandler and  I would laugh hysterically.  She finally stopped. 

Gross, I know.  But somehow, the poopies have become a major topic of conversation in our every day lives and it doesn't even phase me now.  One day I suddenly realized that this topic had weaseled it's way in without me even realizing it.  Did the baby go?  How much?  What did it look like? Maybe he needs to go.  I think he has gas.  Maybe his tummy hurts?  Makes me seriously glad that people don't discuss my BM's (as my mom calls them) in this manner.

Additionally there is the ritual smelling of the baby butt.  If you have kids (or even nieces/nephews, or younger siblings or cousins for that matter) you know what I mean.  Your nose has become a fine tuned instrument that can sniff out poopie like a German Shepherd drug sniffer dog. **Sniff **Sniff...What's that I smell?  Grab baby, lift baby butt to nose.  You get the picture.

Then, of course, there is the disposal of the poopie.  Which is fine if you're at home and happen to have a diaper genie or can take it out right away.  But not so great if you're somewhere else and don't or can't.  There are disposable bags you can buy to put individual diapers in, or you can just save and reuse something on your own (grocery bags, newspaper bags, bread bags).  But then what do you do with it?  Sometimes you are just in a location that it is just not appropriate to throw away a diaper.  Period.  So, you put it in the disposable bag and then in the diaper bag. Whew.  All is well with the world.  Baby is changed, and diaper is taken care of...for now.  But it's not.  Because it's in the diaper bag and you know it's there.  It's going to keep reminding you it's there.  Whether you catch a whiff or you just keep thinking of it. You know it's still there until you get somewhere you can toss it.

Aaahhhh baby poop.  It really is too bad that they can't come out potty trained :)  But then again, I'd miss out on all of our fun changing table games we play!  My little Gabriel is so funny on there.

Yeah baby, yeah!

Yes that IS another Austin Powers reference.  For those who are counting, that makes 2.  What can I say?  I do love those movies.

Brace yourself, I'm going to reveal something about myself that you may find shocking: I was, in fact, a girly-girl who loved pink and dolls when I was little!  Eeeeeekkkk!  Oooohhhhh!  Aaahhhhhh!  Shreeeekkkkk!  I know!  Then as a young adult, I actually uttered the words "I never want to get married or have kids."  As I got older (I also wrote this in a previous blog too), I thought starting with a kid at the age of 2 would be more up my alley.  In more recent years as I started to think maybe I did want to have kid(s), I was totally freaked out about the birthing process...it just seems totally, utterly and completely WRONG!  Anyway, my point is that I never, EVER, thought that I would enjoy having a baby so much.  But Gabriel's just so precious, I want to kiss his pudgy cheeks all day long. What can I say, I'm gaga for my baba!  It definitely helps that we have such a good baby...

NOW I'm starting to think about how much I DON'T want him to grow up. Funny how things change.  I want him to stay my baby forever:

1. I will miss all of the cuddle time.  He's such a good cuddler and likes to sleep on his mommy.  It's still his favorite place to sleep.

2.  I don't want him to talk back.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait until he says his first actual word.  Unless "Oooooo" and "phhhhttttthhhh" and "Mmmmm" count, we have yet to experience that first and I'm excited for it.  I just don't want the talk back with back talk, if ya know what I mean.  Not to mention that both my husband and I are stubborn individuals who have a certain manner of speaking to each other when we disagree (you can imagine how our arguments go), so we will have to learn patience and to filter ourselves when this talk back with back talk begins.

3.  I don't even want to THINK about potty training.  Now, I'm not saying I love the diapering process or the moolah spent on those each month (or the poopies contained in said diaper), but the thought of the actual potty training process is enough to wear and stress me out!  Plus, I've heard boys are harder to train than girls...so any advice is welcome!

4.  I love the fact that I can pack his clothes in the diaper bag. If he gets much bigger, he's going to need his own suitcase!

5.  To baby leash or not to baby leash...that is the question. Gabriel's dad is a hyper/hypo for those of you who don't know him very well.  If Gabriel gets that trait from his dad, then we are in for an interesting set of toddler years. 

6.  Groceries for 3?  Can't beat feeding him breast milk (something I produce for free). But as I'm already starting to wean myself from doing that due to his quantity demands and my low production, I get to start thinking about the cost for formula.  Not to mention the food as he ages.  Again, I reference his dad. He has a ridiculous metabolism and can eat an insane amount - more than you'd think by looking at his stature (maybe related to number 5?).  So, if he gets that from his dad (which I hope he does because my metabolism sucks), we are going to go broke feeding this kid!

7.  Those baby smiles!  Gabriel is a smiley guy and is pretty easy to get to smile.  But we still work hard to get those baby smiles because they are just so darn cute :)  I'm not sure how I'm going to wean myself from making stupid faces, making stupid sounds and doing the stupid things I do to keep him smiling.  When I do these things at work, they don't smile for some reason.  So when he's outgrown this, I'm going to have to wean myself from doing all of that. Hopefully they understand at work :)

8.  He doesn't have a care or worry in the world.  Right now, it's still eat, poop, play and sleep.  It's kind of nice that he doesn't have any other worries to think about. I'm not much of a worrier but I have a feeling that his worries and issues will become my worries and issues.

9.  He's so perfect. I asked Chandler what he'll miss about him being a baby and that was his response.  Insert the "awwwww's" here :)

Do I LOVE my baby and the fact that he is still a baby?  YEAH BABY, YEAH!  And I'm still cherishing every minute with him.

Top 10 Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Wow, the stuff that comes out of my mouth now that I have a baby...Here are the top 10 so far (some are Chandler's).

1.  Wow, that is the biggest Sh@# package I've ever seen from such a small delivery man!

2.  Are you done making poopies?!

3.  (to the baby) Don't be such a baby.

4.  Wow, you are Mommy's little poopie monster today.

5.  Don't fall asleep NOW...Mommy's gotta change your diaper. A poop bomb went off in there.

6.  Chandler's song to the baby when he changes him:  Takin' the poopies away from you and giving them to the diaper genie.

7.  Me to Chandler:  Smells like YOU need a diaper change.

8.  Chandler:  I'm gonna start saying that Gabriel is our love child.  I want to say I fathered a love child.

9.  I'm ready for a fight...you need a nap.

10. Beep, beep, beep...boop, boop boop.

The Sh#$ People Say To You When You're Pregnant

I actually wrote a bunch of stuff down that people said to me when I was pregnant. Partly because I couldn't believe some of it, but mostly because I thought it was funny that people think they know you, what you want and how things will be and should be for you.  If you've ever been pregnant, you probably have your own list, or can remember hearing many of the items from my list.  I was originally thinking I should write a book about it all, but decided to make it a blog post where I could address all of the sh#$ people said to me when I was pregnant.  Please take no offense if you were one of the one's who said some of the sh#$ to me :)  It's all in good fun.

"You're going to get a minivan."
To which I replied "No, I'm not ever likely to have a minivan.  I have nothing against those who choose to get one, but I don't want one...ever."  An argument about this topic immediately ensued and I had to defend my stance.  Mind you that this is my first child and that my vehicle at the time of this argument was a Subaru Tribeca.  A very nice mid-sized SUV.  I didn't get why that wouldn't due and why I would HAVE to get a minivan simply because I was having a child.  No comprendo señor!  No, I will NOT get a minivan.

"How are you feeling?"
Me: "Good, insanely tired all the time, but good." (the 1st trimester was very rough on me and literally sucked the life out of me)
"Get used to it...this will be the next 18 years of your life."  
Ok...? I actually had a few encounters with people that were similar to this one and I just don't get the need for someone to say that.  Yes, I'm tired.  Yes, babies are a lot of work. Yes, they are a lot of work for a lot of years.  Yes, I have yet to realize just HOW MUCH work.  But don't ask me how I'm feeling only to knock the next 18 years of my life.  Thus far (Gabriel is 5.5 weeks), I'm cherishing every single minute of it.  And YES, I'm VERY tired and TOTALLY ok with that as he's worth every lost minute of sleep.

Me (to my one of my bff's):  "I'm pregnant!"
Her:  "Are you happy about it?!"
Um, DUH.  Of course I am.  Now, you have to know my dear friend Kristy (yes, Kristy...I'm naming you).  She is an incredibly smart individual.  HOWEVER, she has many blond moments.  In fact, I've considered writing a book about those moments because they are hilarious!  I believe this to be one of those moments.  Several months earlier, we had a conversation about giving birth. I told her that I thought the whole birthing process was unnatural and that I was freaked out about something so big coming out of something so small.  She also knows that I'm not a huge baby person and would have preferred to start with a 2 year old.  Of course, it's totally different when you have your own baby, and I'm loving having my baby boy.  BUT, I'm assuming that is where she was coming from.

"Are you going to find out the baby's sex?"
Me: "Heck YES!  In fact, if the 1st ultrasound is inconclusive, we'll go in for another one just to find out."
"Don't you want to be surprised?"
Clearly not. I JUST told you we were going to find out.  And let's face it.  A baby is a BIG surprise regardless of whether or not you find out.  Plus, you are surprised when you see what they look like, if they have hair, what color that hair is, what color their eyes are, etc.  A baby is a big surprise.  That is for sure!  Just as some people can't understand wanting to find out, I can't understand NOT wanting to find out.

"You look tired." (I got this one a LOT from a LOT of people while I was pregnant)
Thanks.  You basically just said I look like crap.  And yes, I'm tired.  I'm tired every day.  My body is not only insanely hormonal (I'm working every minute of every day to not be crazy, in fact your question makes me want to punch you in the throat right now.  I won't, but I want to.), but my body is literally growing and supporting another life right now.

"You must be about 6 months along now?"
Ummmm...nope, just 14 weeks.  Guess I'm just fat.  Some advise:  Just like it is never ok to ask a woman if she's pregnant (just in case she's not), don't guess how far along she is.  Unless you're going to guess low.

"That's what you have to look forward to."  (When around other people's misbehaving kids. Got this one a lot too)
Gee, thanks for not only the encouragement when I'm pregnant (not like I can turn back now), but also for doubting my parenting skills before my child is even born.

"When are you due? Boy or girl?" (Another pregnant lady to me on the elevator at the clinic)
Me: "December 4th & boy"
"Wow, how can it be a boy?  You're carrying so high."
Where do you get your information?  Where you "carry" your baby has nothing to do with it being a boy or girl.  Read a book.  That is an old wives-tale.  And YES, I'm sure.  I've had 2 ultrasounds and I saw his little thingy.  But thanks for your input.

"Hitting it pretty hard tonight, huh?"  (A waiter said this to me at a nice restaurant after I ordered an N/A drink on a work trip)
First of all, I'm pregnant.  Second of all, what if I was an alcoholic?  Or plain old just don't drink, or don't want a drink?  Or what if I was being a designated driver for my colleagues who were drinking?  Not-so-much your place to say anything waiter man.

"There is nothing attractive or hot about a pregnant woman.  There is something wrong with a man who finds that attractive."
Before reading on, pick your jaw up off of the floor.  That is also where mine ended up.  Yes, I actually had someone say this to me when I was indeed very pregnant.  Additionally, his wife was pregnant at the time.  Yikes.  Not something to say to a hormonal pregnant woman who could injure you and claim the "pregnancy crazies" to the jury.  At a time when I felt literally the most unattractive and insecure that I've ever felt in my life, that was not what I needed to hear.  That's fine if that's what you are thinking (you're entitled to your opinion, just as I am mine), but keep your yapper shut about it. At least when speaking to a pregnant woman.  My grandfather, who passed away when I was in high school, thought that a woman looked her best when she was pregnant.  Because she was fulfilling a higher purpose.  One of the greatest purposes.  And I assure you, there was nothing wrong with him. In fact, he was one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

In conclusion, I am sure going to watch what I say to pregnant women in the future.  I will probably only tell them how great they look!