Moving on, here is some of the super gross and painful stuff that no one tells you about. So, I will:
#2: You may or may not take a dookie while giving birth. I was told I did not. Not sure if I believe them or not. However, statistically speaking a lot of women do. Gross? Yes. Will you care or notice? No.
Shocked as Sh#%: You may just be totally shocked after you give birth. I mean, RIGHT after you give birth. I know I was. I didn't cry RIGHT AWAY. Crazy, I know. Because that's what everyone does in the movies and on TV. They put Gabriel in my arms and I was just so shocked that I just pushed this amazing baby out of me so quick that I didn't know what was going on! Took me a minute to realize that he was really here. THEN I cried in total happiness.
Blockbuster: Speaking of them putting that baby right in my arms (and the movies), they don't come out looking like they do in the movies. But, hopefully this isn't the first time you're hearing this. They come out looking pretty gross. Don't fret. The first time you see your baby, you will think he/she is the most beautiful thing you have ever laid eyes on...gross stuff or no gross stuff :)
Yowza/Ouuuuza: Assuming you don't have a c-Section, your crotch is going to hurt for WEEKS! Maybe even months if you ripped bad. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try to look at what is going on down there. Just let the healing happen. Ohhhmmmm....
#2 times 2: While in the hospital, the nurses will give you "stool softeners." There is a reason for that, ladies. That first #2 after the baby is born HURTS LIKE A HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS...Again, that is assuming you didn't have a C-section (can't speak for what it's like after a C-section), and even worse if you ripped and worse yet if you ripped bad. You will think you are giving birth again to a child you conceived with Godzilla.
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| Look familiar? |
More about the bathroom: At home you will bleed for weeks. It is like having your period for all of ETERNITY! And there will be the ritual cleansing of the "down there" EVERY TIME YOU USE THE STINKIN' bathroom. As if the simple act of going to the bathroom doesn't hurt on it's own every time. Heck, the simple act of WALKING to the bathroom hurts every time.
BF: Not everyone loses weight from breastfeeding. Sorry to break the news. Not painful in an *Ouch* way, but more of a *Tear* way. It is still the best for your baby, if you are able, but it did nothing for the weight loss for me. Additionally, breastfeeding is supposed to help ward of that monthly visit from Aunt Flo. Again, not for everyone. Although for me it did help keep her from visiting as often.
Jubblies: Post breastfeeding boobs (especially if you've been working REALLY hard on losing the weight) are sort of deflated. You may remember my blog Machine Gun Jubblies from back in December when I was bf-ing away and they were insanely INflated! I made it almost four months with those outrageously inflated things. But the stress of returning to work, pumping there, not producing enough, etc.is why I decided to quit. That gave me the feeling of an insane amount of freedom that I will never forget. But now they're just blah. Is there no happy medium?
Luckily, I have a great friend who told me of many of these things. But I found it unusual that much of this isn't written about as often. Or if it is, it's sugar-coated.
It's great being the mom, having the bonding time with your child while in the tummy (even those of us who did not care for pregnancy can find SOME things they did like about it) and already having that bond once they are out. But EVERY woman has wished it all, or at least some, on her husband or significant other...I don't care who you are, at some point you will wish your husband/significant other could experience a fraction of a symptom, pain or SOMETHING during pregnancy, giving birth or recovery. You can tell me this is untrue. But I will know you are lying.
C-section birthers, I'm curious to know your super gross & weird stuff. Please feel free to comment with some of them.
